a day of gratitude

more like days of gratitude. why we only have one holiday to celebrate thankfulness, i have no idea. we need it at least once a month, don't you think? i digress.

once upon an august day, i met someone that changed my life. i've been waiting until this assumed day of gratitude, secretly, to post this.

it's easy to argue that someone has changed your life, since in the grand scheme of things, life is about the relationships you make and break. maintenance is i suppose a component of all that, but the truth is, they come and go, often times going more quickly than they've entered.

college for me isn't and won't ever be about getting my degree. college is a four-year crash course in relationship building and breaking. so to me, with so little time to absorb the individuals i meet, it's become like a strategic vacuum of the beautiful pieces of people that i've had to run all over the place.

no one really plugged that vacuum until i let you into my heart. time has slowed with you in my life, and i suppose i can't really be more grateful. i've been a place for so long where i can't get past the fact that college really is just about the selfishness of getting what you can out of it and then leaving it with a mortarboard toss and a picture of you and a dean you never knew. on the contrary, you have changed that feeling for me. i don't feel rushed to discover and retain when i'm around you. i don't dream further than the future in which we both seemingly find trivial, when the dream is here, in this moment, ready to envelop us if we let it. i'm incredulous at your ability to meet someone and have them welcome you below their surface in literally one conversation. to know so many so intimately, i couldn't really guess what it really feels like to know someone in your heart. but i can guess that i've become one of those people you know, or it sure feels like it.

flaw (n.) : a mark, fault or imperfection that mars a substance or object.

you've given me this: that the only faux pas one can commit is the inability to embrace the flaws in oneself and others. i suppose the concept of the flaw that you've redesigned in me is that it is simply something to be appreciated over an asset.

this is Rachel. she's kinda boy crazy, too flirty all the time, too sexual when inebriated, and consumes way too much diet coke. but she's one of the most phenomenal human beings i've ever met.

you're Beautiful, don't let anyone or anything (including yourself) lose sight of that. So it goes, I don't feel a need to fill the silence, to withhold my thoughts, to hesitate in asking for what i need, to be anything other than what should be forgiven by default: human, while in your company Miss Drummond.

details in the fabric

where threads of me weave their way through the ins and outs of their perception, i become a fabric within your eyes. eyes that may never see every facet, but without hesitation accept the entire cloth.

meet me in the space behind your heart where light can't find us. i know that then you will say we should get to know each other, for real this time. disregarding all of the places we've been and where we will be, the moment is caught with a butterfly's net, bent on devouring us creating. we will speak words that free not only us but that which inhibits us.

i prefer your heart over anyone's so far, it only pumps four letters through the networks of people that surround it.

l for lefties and their growth in a right-handed existence. for being forced out of what's natural to become something they aren't because their numbers are less. for the oppressed.

o for the offer. the offering to the holy trinity: compassion, curiosity and cultivation. to offer the benefit of the doubt for those seemingly undeserving, to ask the questions necessary to do so and to cultivate the gifts found in others to assist them in their hammering out a sense of self-worth.

v for vicariously living, unabashedly through others' experiences that you may never achieve or understand, but fully enjoy the palette of emotions and lessons learned through the relationships you believe in.

e for elves. ever hard-working, not for the man, but the concept of keeping magic alive. miracles can happen is what they preach each and every day, and that without them, we really would be here for nothing.

pumppumppump. if only i could hear your love all day, the air would be too full to inhale all of its wonderful smells of hopes and dreams and exhale the similar elements.

what good do loops and corkscrews worth of emotional roller coasters do for those trying to push through the already apparent sandpaper of being human? we all wonder if the gift of self-awareness is indeed one that we ever wanted in the first place. perhaps ignorance of ourselves would have saved the planet, or perhaps saved her soul from what it is now.

bruised, beaten, but never surrendering to the hand she was dealt, when given no choice but to become the player in a game of high stakes. it was seemingly too much money at risk for someone who didn't know how to add yet, in present tense, can we really ask her to grow up now?

this is about both of you, and neither of you. it's about the people. the abolishment of the person. the destruction of the singular and the building of the we. you are not alone as you pump all of that love. let me be alive within you.

overwhelmingly-so, the light in me honors the light in you.

namaste.